Heartbreak
I was recently involved in a discussion with a couple of 20 somethings ( all American citizens), in Karachi Pakistan, who were discussing the Kerry Lugar Bill, USAID projects , bomb blasts, and friends who had died. Considering one of the 20 somethings was my son, I was fascinated in understanding their perspective, as well as curious, as to how they were dealing with the events of the recent days.
Interestingly enough, they came up with approximately the same conclusions I had (conclusions that led me to resign from a very exciting assignment on a USAID project). They couldn’t understand why “Our money”, i.e. American taxpayer money was being so criminally wasted. No wonder “these people” hate us! Even though the terrorists need to be dealt with, how does killing innocent people in their homes count as “dealing ” with them?
Rightly so, they were confused. As Americans, their loyalities were with the US, but living in a country such as Pakistan, with bombs going off everyday, and experiencing first hand “American foreign policy” , they were seeing a completely different picture. One , that CNN and most other media agencies don’t always show.
Listening to them, I reflected on my own struggle over the last 6 months. I had accepted a very exciting position with a USAID project focusing on workforce development. The position was a “key personnel position” and I had been promised considerable independence and responsibility on the developing the core implementation strategy. I had never worked on a USAID project, and many friends counseled against it, but I was enthusiastic and believed I would overcome any challenges. The 7 economic growth projects together, were valued at 2 billion dollars of the Kerry Lugar money that was coming in to Pakistan and , I knew that the projects were well designed. If we could succeed in achieving the objectives, these projects would truly be a turning point in Pakistan’s history and would go a long way towards curbing the terrorism that was spreading like a cancer.
As the project work began, I was taken aback by the lack of management and structure for a project of this magnitude (our project was 80 million dollars). I was repeated told that this is “project mobilization” and very normal. Over the course of the next few months, I was witness to serious corruption, mismanagement , negligence and of course ineptitude. Reports to the project director at the home office (in Washington DC) were ignored, and in fact I was asked to “stay out of it”. The project spent several million dollars in the first 6 months with more than 90% spent on administrative costs, salaries and travel. There was not a single tangible actvity that had taken place. This depsite the fact that there were willing partners, ongoing projects that could have been tapped into as well as immediate results that could have been produced. All of which resulted in my eventual resignation.
For the first time in my life I felt helpless. Here were my tax dollars being totally thrown away, and even worse, these projects were exasberatinalready immpossible situation. Resentments against Americans were visibly growing, and the projects had started to develop asuch a strong reputation for corruption and easy money, that the real institutions which could provide real results , wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot pole! What a mess.
I came back to the conversation at hand, and heard the 20 something league start discussing ideas on what to do? How can we make it better? How do we take control of these events? How can we play our role in shaping the future? I wish I had answers, I don’t. What I do know is that if we collectively, both within Pakistan as well as the policy powers in the US, insist on being the three monkeys that speak no evil, hear no evil, and see no evil, we will leave nothing but enemity as our legacy. Any ideas TEDsters???
Any and all advice appreciated!
warmly,
Shahida
